Breaking Away, from the nest.

Ever since I could remember, I've been having difficulty dealing with the way my mom handles things.
Happy one minute and angry the next, I wanted to get away from it, but I always found some reason to either stay or crawl back after a lengthy spell of being away.
Based on certain jobs I've had, it was either easier to accomplish or quite difficult to partake depending on the pay and nature of the job.

Two years ago, I almost accomplished the goal of moving away in some form from my parents place, but that of course was cut short and now I find myself stuck back here making not-so-much money and dealing with the same bullshit I've been putting up with for most of my life.

As it stands right now, I've got the freedom to leave, but I'm more worried about providing for myself in such a way that I don't become a "houseless"(home is a state of mind) person.
Since the truck-driving thing's out of the picture and military service isn't an option for me(some bullshit medical DQ) this has turned into a pressing, brain-storming session.
At this point in time, the only viable alternatives right now would be to stay at my stepdads house until things get better, or take a job elsewhere and see about either finding an apartment I could afford or deal with roommates.
While my stepdads place is a good idea(the man's more laidback nowadays), the only thing stopping me is the fact that I'm still under a form of a "parents roof".
No true-independence as far as "my own place" goes and then there's the cycling distance(no car, just bicycle) and road quality(Oak Hills has predominantly dirt-roads) from his place to my work.
Aside from that, this would probably be a little easier to deal with than having to pay a questionable amount of rent+utilities in a place I have rather little knowledge about and a job that may or may not cover the cost of everything every month.
Roommates, on the other hand, are a totally different gamble to worry about.
You wouldn't know how many there truly are at the property you're trying to become a part of., what they do to get by may be questionable., overall personal habits that may get to you.

Essentially, there seems to be alot of uncertainty when it comes to getting out on your own.
No matter how much you try to mentally and physically prepare for bailing out of the nest, there's always this apprehension eating away at the back of year neck telling you that "there's bad vibe about this".

In the meantime, I'm going to see how much longer I'm tolerated before I'm forced to gather my things and leave for everyone's own good.
Hopefully, all will hold out until next November when I could hopefully start trucking again.
At least in that environment, rent and utilities were things I didn't have to deal with.
It's like travel-expenses, room and board all rolled into one standard-cab package.

College, the 8+ year long battle, Part I

Since graduating high school in '01, I've been taking various college courses at the urgings of my mom.
She has friends and other relatives that have kids who already got their so-called, "education" done and completed.
At the same time though, I've completed less units of various coursework as opposed to those I actually attempted.
At this point and "low-stage" of my life, I am once again being pushed into going down this road once more on the false incentive that I'll be satisfying myself.
If anything, only those who aren't myself will be feeling any sense of accomplishment out of such a task, while I'm only going to be stuck with poor health and a mountain of debt if I adhere to the fashion in which they want me to get it done.

One of the main reasons I've put the seeking of blue-collar work ahead of getting into the atypical approach of getting into a four-year university is due to the proverbial, "excess baggage" that is sure to come with it.
Yes, getting a degree might increase the earning potential, but also open the floodgates to future leadership and management responsibilities.
The way I see it, you either have "born leaders" who have been able to organize individuals from the time they began to walk, or persons with a certain amount of military training.
Since I never had either of those things happen to me, I would much rather stick to my established comfort zone to prevent the outcome of a future, professional mistake that could mar me worse than any trucking accident I've been in.

So, as I prepare to go back to the local college and see about getting my name removed from the "progress probation" list, I'm going to take a nice long look at programs that will have an even mixture of professionalism and anonymity.
If I'm to invest a little time and money into a path to get me away from home once more, I want to go in knowing that I will be able to accomplish this new set of tasks without having to worry about sleepless nights ahead.

Essentially, my main goal in life has been there all along.
Go to work, finish work, come home and forget about what I did at work.
Last thing I need to be hearing when I get home is, "Adam, we need to fix this scheduling arra.....click"

Lazy Inspiration

Over the past year, I've been noticing the increasing amount of long-distance trips being taken by groups of persons I know to varying extents.
Some are real close, others are just by mere association, but chill enough to get along with nonetheless.
Whether it's by van-pool, caravan, or bicycle camping, they all seem to partake in a lifestyle and employment aspect that I one time partook in as mere, daily routine.

While driving an eighteen wheeler through different states on my own, I mentally logged the aspects and conditions of the varying trips and explained them to persons as an ordinary topic of conversation.
They would first tell me how their work and social life was moving along, then I would fill them in on what state I just went through, or what routing I was given on a particular trip.
As I went into standard detail about the sites and experiences, light or heavy, I came across, I could help but notice the sense of awe and wonder in their eyes as I filled them in.

Here it is, two years after my last, major out-of-state trip and now I witness young kids and old friends packing their bags, leaving school or work for a bit, and "having some fun on the road".
When they return from their trip and back into the fold of regular life, I now hear them explaining their experiences in the style of which I described the past activities of my previous line of employment.

Most of the time while listening, I often wonder, "did I actually stir their creative, travel-bug juices into life?"

Setting down roots is boring

While driving through different states and passing through a multitude of municipalities, I've discovered they all have something that defines them in their own way.
Whether it would be food, people, landscape or the weather quality, passing through these areas weeks at a time gave it a sense of renewed vigor.

Take a small town in Kansas for example;
I stop there to fulfill the 10 hour break requirement governed by the FMCSA guidelines.
While here I perform a combination of doing various activities in the confines of my truck sleeper and then walking all around the town to get some fresh air and muscle stretching in.
After being stuck in a noticeably mundane town for an entire, 24 hour period, I now want to get out of there due to having absorbed it.
As soon as I'm able to fire up the truck and go, I am now well aware that I will be relieved for a little while that I got away from that town.
However, as the weeks and months tick by before ever having to be routed past there again, I begin to wonder how much or little that town has changed.
Regardless, it will feel like a new place the next time I happen to roll through there again.

After thinking of an occurrence this small, I've come to the conclusion that I will never be able to set down roots in any one place and stay committed to it.
The common wisdom for most individuals is to go to college, get a job in a certain area, and stay there for a number of years and make something of their social lives to show the world that they prosper.
I on the other hand looked at truck driving as an alternative to going down this common road.
I've thought about owning house, getting married and having kids.
But when I was placed into that arrangement for the shortest amount of time(think babysitting younger siblings) I felt like the proverbial walls were closing in around me.

So, if anyone ever asks me why I long to get back into this profession again, I tell them it has nothing to do with the money.
It's that the job itself allows me to live healthfully and positively without having to handle the excess baggage that comes with maintaining a so-called, "normal-life".

Yes, I may settle down into one particular section of any given state and may or may not hook up with a fine woman and attempt to start a family, but I'll go ahead and consider that a retirement-age task.

Killing time by sitting.

In October of 2007, I got into a rollover accident while driving with Swift Transportation.
As horrible as it sounded, I wasn't physically injured and was ready to head back out as soon as possible.
However, after 13 months of putting in work there, I was fired due to this and the result has been a blacklisting towards any hope of getting on with any other trucking companies.
The "post-accident" time and additional driving experience required after an accident varies between companies, but that still does not make trucking job searches any less difficult than it has been over the last two years.
You've got companies that require either:
a)Three years of nothing happening since the date of said accident.,
b)One-to-Three years of actual, post-accident driving before getting hired on.,
c)No hiring with these conditions until economic picture begins to get better.

With these requirements in mind, the pool of companies I'm actually able to get on with will only widen once enough time goes by.
I've been told to not mention the accident due to it not being on my DMV report, but the background checks will utilize any piece of small information they could get their hands and mar the quest even further.
That said, I've down-sized the purpose of my trucking job searches from "finding an actual job right away", to simple fact-finding missions.
The purpose of "fact-finding" when it comes to contacting trucking companies is to give me a sense of hope and information towards making a preparation list for if and when a hire date becomes a reality.

Presently, I could actually find a trucking position rather quickly if I looked in the "right spots".
However, after getting several months worth of post-accident driving experience in, I found that the companies willing to look the other way are sometimes not the best ones to cut and run to.
While it is possible to gain additional driving experience from smaller outfits, I found the rush to get on with them to be a nearly fatal, error in judgment.
While larger companies cared more for their drivers and saw to it they were well equipped for their safety and job performance, smaller companies tended to be overall ignorant of following government-mandated safety rules and would almost deliberately send employees into the proverbial oven without a Nomex suit.

That being said, I now maintain employment in a field that I was in prior to truck-driving and now scan the fine-print and daily activities of any potential company I seek to get on with.
Driving for a large, well-equipped company placed a "thirst" within me and when that got taken away, I tended to stray towards any mirage.
In this case, it was a bad move to move in too soon and it nearly made me look like a fool all over again.
This time around, the new plan will be to simply keep up the research and also wait it out a little while longer to see if any of the three criteria I mentioned above will be worth their salt.

Firing Away on different cylinders.

A few years ago when I was involved in cross country, eighteen-wheeler operations, I used to perform the typical board postings on myspace.
However, after that job was lost due to hard circumstances, I fell into somewhat of a downer state and ceased all postings of any positive descriptive nature.
During that time, any social-website postings were always of the short-handed, briefly stated, spur-of-the-moment types of ideas that just popped into my head.
Anything from what I was eating, or how I just happened to be feeling at that time of the day.
Soon though, external pressure began to bring my true thoughts back to the surface and I was beginning to spew rantings that offered nothing of general value to the boards on which I posted them.
So, after a bit, I decided the best course of action would be to open up an actual blog page of my own and use it as sort of a discussion bed for topics that I felt were somehow affecting my life.

So, sit back, read the entries through, and lets open up some dialogue on the official rantings.